Owning the "P" word, or mastering wabi sabi

Today, I was recommended this post
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html?ref=nf
and I couldn't help but think that it is completely appropriate for transgender issues - even if the writer doesn't direct it there. 

Is Perfection the new dirty word? 

This summer has had me learning a lot about the transgender community.  Depression and suicide in transgender youth and adults is too high.  Life is tough, but life can seem so much more difficult if you don't fit into society's idea of Perfection.

I've been reminding Dandelion that he is PERFECT just the way he is and that he is to always remember that.  He was perfect the day he was born, he is perfect today and he will be perfect years from now.  I have been stressing to him that everybody varies in some way and that transgendered people may vary a little more than others. 

I have made it clear that not everyone sees the world as boy or girl, penis or vagina - that over the years he will meet many out there who will see only the person on the inside, who don't worry about what is under the shirt or in the pants.  Those people will think that he is perfect just the way he is, too.  He should never think of himself as less than perfect, and he should never settle for someone who feels that way about him.

I know it's hard to be different, feel different.  I know that there is often a honeymoon period of happiness and contentment when a transgendered individual starts living the life they feel they should have been born into.  When they come out to friends and family and the fear and stress of wondering if they will continue to be loved and accepted is behind them, the world seems like their oyster. 

Then life slowly adjusts back to the normal ups and downs, the excitement of the "rebirth" fades and then old worries, fears, concerns become overwhelming. 

We all want to be perfect, but it is hard to feel perfect when your physical gender is inconsistent with your emotional and psychological gender.  We start to beat ourselves up about what may be in our minds as lacking (or additional) and close ourselves off from healthy supportive relationships so we don't risk the hurt of rejection.  We forget that where we feel we fail is only our opinion, not necessarily the opinion of others.  I really believe that if we can get over it, then others will accept it, too.

So maybe, just maybe we should be looking at Perfection in the Japanese manner of wabi sabi - the achievement of perfection through the acceptance of imperfection.  This is what we should teach our children.  Can you imagine a world where all the children grew into adults who valued the differences in others instead of fearing and hating what is perceived not to be normal?

So, to my point, we have to dump the desire to achieve someone elses idea of Perfection and own Perfection for ourselves.  Make Perfection your bitch!

Here's a fun little challenge to end this post - I'm thinking specifically of a beautiful youth I met this summer and wish I had done this for - for all the happy, bubbly exterior I could see there was an inner sadness and I didn't overcome my own fear of being judged that I didn't give hir a hug and tell hir that I saw all the beauty and wonder inside and how just thinking of hir makes me smile.  I'm going to follow through the next time we meet up!

If you see someone out there -  in your life, on the outskirts of your life, someone who is not part of your life but is obviously struggling - I challenge you to let them know that you think they are Perfect - their flaws, their quirks, just being who they are makes them Perfect.  Remind them that there is nothing in this world that they cannot overcome and come out on top of.  Give them a hug!