http://rideauvalleyrollergirls.com/
As usual, we had a blast!
One thing that we have noticed is that Dandelion is in his element at these matches. Our normally attached at the hip, playing shy little man is off schmoozing the volunteers, talking up the players...if you have ever been to a flat track roller derby in Ottawa (and I think I can safely assume it is similar - if not the identical - everywhere else) you may understand why he feels so comfortable there. It is the mecca and sport of the alternative lifestyle.
My girlie girl loves it for the female empowerment aspect of it - tough, strong, beautiful women kicking butt on the track, but oozing good sportsmanship.
I have a feeling that Dandelion just feels like he has "come home".
The crowd consists of every colour of the rainbow, but it is especially full of LGBT.
I don't want to sound un-politic in the manner I describe it, but I have been finding that being the parent of a young gender variant person is much like deciding on a new car and then seeing that car EVERYWHERE...you never noticed that car on the road much before, but now it seems like it is every second car out there. That's the way I feel with a gender variant son. Suddenly, I am noticing those who look like they may be transgendered, I internally question the gender of strangers on the street (when I never thought to notice or care before) and I am more apt to hear insensitive comments, too.
I noticed A LOT of ftm last night. Some had obviously started T, but many were hormone and op free. One thing that I couldn't help but notice was their comfort within their own skin - or lack of comfort. Sadly, so many of these young men seemed to be very uncomfortable - a pity when in a venue and environment that is so accepting. Some hid behind bravado - forced swaggers, very aggressive/strong presences; some were just looking very awkward. Although they presented as male, it became obvious that many were wearing chest binders and were not at all comfortable in them. Too much time was spent, albeit trying to look casual, with their arms crossed over their chests - as if trying to hide the telltale signs of the binder before someone on the outside could notice.
Then I looked at Dandelion and wanted to cry. I love my baby so much and I am watching him confident, happy and secure in his self and in his physical body. It hasn't betrayed him yet.
So many of these young men look VERY young - late teens to mid-twenties. All I could think was "What if...they had known how to voice their need to their parents...that their parents had sensed something different and acted upon it..." How different would their lives be? Would their lives be different at all? Would they be happier than they are today? Would they be less than they are today by being given an easier road than the one that they had to take? How many of them will seek surgical reconstruction? How many of them will begin T? How many of them will be happier? Have the trials and difficulties they have faced being transgendered done damage to their sense of self? Is the damage irreversible?
Again, I think of the young adult ftm that I met through TransFamilyKids and how secure and comfortable he appeared. If I had met him under different circumstances I would never have questioned his gender. He presented casually and confidently in his skin. Mind you, I met him well after his top surgery and starting T - so I can't say that he has always been this way.
But, if I can give one thing to Dandelion, I want him never to feel that his body has betrayed him...sure, maybe it is not cooperating fully...but to still be able to trust it, love it and have confidence in it. I want him to strut around just as proud and secure in his being a boy 10 years, 20 year from now as he does today at the age of 7.
When I discuss Dandelion with others, I always try to stress that I can only handle one day at a time. Sure, I do research what options are out there for his future - what may make his life easier in the long term, what hoops we are going to have to jump through to make sure that all options are open to him - but I don't make any plans because I can only manage today and stay sane! I have a gender therapist and a trans-friendly pediatric endo lined up in the event that we need them within the next couple of years, but even the gender therapist doesn't see a need to meet with Dandelion yet as he is happy, well adjusted and not having any problems with transitioning.
Still, it is hard not to jump 10 years ahead of myself when the young man, in his early twenties, in a binder in front of me in line is holding his girlfriends' hand and has the other awkwardly draped over his chest trying to hide any inadvertent bulges under his baggy tee. With great difficulty I hold back from traumatizing him by being accosted my me - a complete stranger giving him a bear hug and telling him that he is perfect and handsome just the way he is.
