Dandelion designed his very own medieval costume - a prince knight, complete with sword and shield. His best friend D. was his damsel, of whose protection he took very seriously throughout the day.
The day was spent with many of whom we see on a weekly basis, but there were many who I hadn't seen in months, and in some cases, years. All of them remembered my little girl, some remembered my tomboy, only those we see regularly knew my son...so, there was the inevitable discussion about gender identity.
Thus far, all our homeschooling friends have been very supportive, but there is always the comment about "phases" and how all our kids have gone through a phase of identifying with the opposite gender - how do I know that this is not a phase and that I'm not taking it too far?
This is not the first time that I have been asked that. Rather than be offended or begin second guessing myself because of this inquiry, it has led me to do a lot of thinking about the difference between a "phase" and true identity.
My eldest - the girliest girlie girl you will ever have the pleasure of meeting - went through a phase, at age 2-1/2 when she called herself a boy. She had a bit of a hero worship thing going on with a 5 year old boy that I babysat - she wanted to be just like him... It came, it passed. That was it.
Dandelion, on the other hand, from the time he could make his own choices he showed us time and again that he was hardwired male, regardless of what his external features were telling us.
My belief is that any one behaviour can be unique to a child, regardless of gender. A little girl who prefers cars over dolls is NOT trans, gay, whatever...she's a little girl who prefers cars! The same goes for a little boy who likes pink or plays with dolls.
From personal experience, if you can look back and see all these lumped into one kid...
- dismisses ANY "girl" toys but loves everything that is traditionally "male"
- at age 2, is cutting bows off her clothes because it is "too girlie"
- tries to cut her own hair at age 3 because she wants a "boy cut"
- who loses it because you brought home the princess training pants rather than the "boy" ones
- who puts on the knight/king/wizard costume at playgroup when all the other little girls are princesses
- pretends to be a body builder and shows that she is just as big and strong as Daddy
- when asked what she wants to be when she grows up, answers very seriously "a policeman and a fireman"
- who would rather wear the same red t-shirt and jeans day in and day out because those are the clothes she identifies as being "boy clothes"
- as much as I hate to buy into the stereotypes...loves math, tools and taking things apart to see how they work
...well, maybe you can add up all those parts and realize that it does not, in any way, add up to the whole that you are seeing.
Of course, when that same child tells you, very clearly and concisely, "I want to be a boy" and says, "tell people I am your son", I think that any second guessing about it being a phase is pretty much over.
Meanwhile, my little knight is tuckered out from fighting dragons and rescuing damsels, as is his mother from watching him, worrying about him and loving him to distraction (and, who vows always to be the knight-in-shining-armour for her little knight!).
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