TransGriot: Why The Transgender Community Hates HRC
Simple.
The word 'equality' makes you think that EVERYONE is equal. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
I have noticed, in my reading/people watching/personal experiences, that the LGB of the community seems to have just as much misunderstanding and willful ignorance about gender variance as the masses.
After reading TransGriot, recommended by a member of TYFA, I have a deeper understanding of why. Some issues I had read elsewhere, some have only been alluded to and some were new and shocking to me.
It's great that we have come to a time when we shove all our letters - LGBTQ -, together to present a united front. Unfortunately, what isn't understood or seen by most is that it may be a united front in name only - with 'haves' and 'have-nots' deeply entrenched in it's history.
I am certainly not attempting to paint all LGBTQ communities with the same brush - just like anywhere or anything, I acknowledge that some places you will find more inclusion than others. What matters for the entire LGBTQ community is what the soldiers within their own foxhole are fighting for.
While the States can be vastly different than Canada, we have to accept that their policy and decision making is often reflected here and influences us - for good and bad.
Let's educate ourselves to ensure that when we support 'equality' this is what we are actually doing. Not 'equality' in a 'support-a-cause-sort-of-way', but EQUALITY where everyone in EVERY community (and here I am referring to LGBTQ, aboriginal, religion, race...anything and everything you can think of!) is covered by the blanket from chin to toes...no one is left out in the cold.
Please, read TranGriot to get a fuller understanding.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Monday, July 16, 2012
And so it begins....
This month, Dandelion is starting hormone blockers (Lupron). ARGGGHHHH!!!!
We had hoped for later, but as we all know, everything we don't want will come to us sooner!
At a scheduled appointment for blood work it was apparent that he was entering the Tanner 2 stage of puberty. This is where the medical establishment, in a perfect world, comes in and saves all gender variant pre-pubertal youth with hormones blockers.
Yay! The evils that puberty can perform on your body are being stopped, delayed and being held captive until you are old enough - mature enough - to understand the benefits and risks of hormone therapy and make an informed decision.
We are ever so grateful that this is an option for us. I know that going through puberty as a female would be traumatic for Dandelion.
Even knowing that Lupron has its own caveats and dark side, I am confident in the decision we are making for him. I feel that any physical issues that may arise will certainly be better and easier to cope with than the mental and emotional trauma that developing breasts and getting a period would bring him.
On top of that, Lupron comes with a $500/month price tag (hey, spend it now on delaying the inevitable or spend it in the future on therapy...). Yeah, WOW! Meanwhile, no extended health plans around this home...
We have been incredibly fortunate that the staff at CHEO, upon knowing of my financial situation, made arrangements for the pharmaceutical company to offer compassionate care. Thank you, Brenda in Endocrinology, for making this happen without any delay to Dandelion's treatment and ensuring his well-being!
Allow me to send a shout out to all the staff at CHEO for being so progressive in their management of gender variant youth, along with understanding that it can often be financially difficult for the families involved. Double kudos to the staff for taking it upon themselves, without any request being made by the parent (there I was with no plan and expecting to muddle through and take from Peter to pay Paul...), to ensure that no child falls into the cracks.
*huge sigh of relief*
I will make a concerted effort to post more often because now we are "in the game" - so to speak. This is where the excitement begins!
We had hoped for later, but as we all know, everything we don't want will come to us sooner!
At a scheduled appointment for blood work it was apparent that he was entering the Tanner 2 stage of puberty. This is where the medical establishment, in a perfect world, comes in and saves all gender variant pre-pubertal youth with hormones blockers.
Yay! The evils that puberty can perform on your body are being stopped, delayed and being held captive until you are old enough - mature enough - to understand the benefits and risks of hormone therapy and make an informed decision.
We are ever so grateful that this is an option for us. I know that going through puberty as a female would be traumatic for Dandelion.
Even knowing that Lupron has its own caveats and dark side, I am confident in the decision we are making for him. I feel that any physical issues that may arise will certainly be better and easier to cope with than the mental and emotional trauma that developing breasts and getting a period would bring him.
On top of that, Lupron comes with a $500/month price tag (hey, spend it now on delaying the inevitable or spend it in the future on therapy...). Yeah, WOW! Meanwhile, no extended health plans around this home...
We have been incredibly fortunate that the staff at CHEO, upon knowing of my financial situation, made arrangements for the pharmaceutical company to offer compassionate care. Thank you, Brenda in Endocrinology, for making this happen without any delay to Dandelion's treatment and ensuring his well-being!
Allow me to send a shout out to all the staff at CHEO for being so progressive in their management of gender variant youth, along with understanding that it can often be financially difficult for the families involved. Double kudos to the staff for taking it upon themselves, without any request being made by the parent (there I was with no plan and expecting to muddle through and take from Peter to pay Paul...), to ensure that no child falls into the cracks.
*huge sigh of relief*
I will make a concerted effort to post more often because now we are "in the game" - so to speak. This is where the excitement begins!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Natural Born...?
Jenna Talackova being disqualified from the Miss Universe Canada competition is making headlines this week and creating a lot of controversy in the process. The pageant officials state that Ms. Talackova is NOT a natural born female because she was designated male at birth.
What is natural born?
The forums and comments sections of online news groups are running amok with people arguing what natural born really means.
I err on the side of natural born meaning what comes to you, as a sentient being, naturally.
My son was designated female before he was even born...I had an ultrasound at 5 months because the midwives consistently heard 2 separate heart beats and wanted an ultrasound to confirm that I was not carrying twins (I think about those of two-spirits as I write this, hmmm...) and the technician asked if we wanted to know the sex of our baby because she had a clear view. Female...not even out the womb and he was pigeon holed.
At his birth, the midwives officially designated him female - it is on an official piece of paper, now! His father and I never questioned it - in fact, we were in agreement. We had stocked the drawers full of pretty pink sleepers and outfits.
My son was never confused. He was a naturally born male and he acted that way from the moment he was able to show us his personality.
I remember his first Christmas, he was just under a year old. I gave him his first baby doll. He loved unwrapping it. He loved helping me figure out how to get all the ties keeping it in the box off. I handed him the doll and he immediately began slamming its head onto the ground. He gave me a weird look and threw it back and me and toddled over to the Barbie suitcase his sister had gotten...he zipped and unzipped it. He quickly figured out the release to pull the handle out - in, out, in out. He rolled it around, stopping here and there to fill it with knicknacks, small gifts and stocking stuffers. He played ALL day with that suitcase - it worked. The doll did not.
He was barely two when he fought me over clothing. NO PRETTY!
He was naturally born a boy. No doubts, no questions for him. None, now, for me.
So, today, there is Jenna, who is being discriminated against because someone - someone who did not know her and never took the time to get to know her - designated her a male all those years ago.
Yet, with the support of her family, community and the medical establishment, today Jenna can live her life as a woman - heck, even compete in Miss Universe!
Thank you, Jenna. Thank you for putting yourself out there, sharing your story and being classy about it all. Thank you for enlightening a few people - a few less ignorants for my son to come across in his life. Thank you!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Dandelion's Hero...aka Rae Spoon
The hero worship for Dandelion began when he had the good fortune to sneak marshmallows with Rae Spoon and some other campers while at Ten Oaks camp last summer. This is a favourite memory of Dandelions. He then had the pleasure of enjoying Rae perform for the campers. Was your camp that awesome? I doubt it!
This started our family's love affair with Rae and their music. Dandelion was so impressed with Rae that he was inspired to take up guitar.
And, you know what, besides their shared love of guitar, music and sneaking of marshmallows they also share one other thing...they are both trans.
I am impressed with Rae...they are talented, well-spoken and Canadian (don't fault me for my inate love of all Canadian!). I'm glad my son has you to look up to!
Check out Rae Spoon and their music and musings.... http://www.raespoon.com/
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Moving way too fast!
There is nothing quite like things moving so quickly and smoothly to hit home a reminder of how much you aren't prepared for the outcome!
Butterfly was referred a month ago, by his gender therapist, to a pediatric endocrinologist. We were given warning that we shouldn't expect to get an appointment for at least 9 months, up to a year. Okay, I can accept that this is the way things are, right?
Well, can you imagine my surprise when I am given an appointment for a mere month in the future? Still, I'm coping well. We go in for what I assume is a "meet&greet" only to be surprised that Dr. L is happy that I have done my homework, had already seen video of her speaking at a symposium on transgendered children, so she sees no reason not to dive right in. Depending on the test results, we may be looking at Lupron by the end of the year. Wow!
Butterfly didn't leave CHEO before getting a hormone stimulating shot, 5 vials of blood drawn and an x-ray to determine bone growth. We had to go back for a BMD (bone mineral density test). In a couple of weeks we have another appointment with Dr. L in early October for a review of the test results.
I was so proud of Butterfly! For a kid who has never had to have shots or be poked and prodded, he was incredibly cooperative and charming with the staff.
As a side note, the BMD was super cool! There is now an xray of his full skeleton. The tech wasn't allowed to give us a copy at the time, but she said that Dr. L could give us a copy when we have our follow-up. We just might blow it up to life size and use it for a Hallowe'en decoration!
Butterfly was referred a month ago, by his gender therapist, to a pediatric endocrinologist. We were given warning that we shouldn't expect to get an appointment for at least 9 months, up to a year. Okay, I can accept that this is the way things are, right?
Well, can you imagine my surprise when I am given an appointment for a mere month in the future? Still, I'm coping well. We go in for what I assume is a "meet&greet" only to be surprised that Dr. L is happy that I have done my homework, had already seen video of her speaking at a symposium on transgendered children, so she sees no reason not to dive right in. Depending on the test results, we may be looking at Lupron by the end of the year. Wow!
Butterfly didn't leave CHEO before getting a hormone stimulating shot, 5 vials of blood drawn and an x-ray to determine bone growth. We had to go back for a BMD (bone mineral density test). In a couple of weeks we have another appointment with Dr. L in early October for a review of the test results.
I was so proud of Butterfly! For a kid who has never had to have shots or be poked and prodded, he was incredibly cooperative and charming with the staff.
As a side note, the BMD was super cool! There is now an xray of his full skeleton. The tech wasn't allowed to give us a copy at the time, but she said that Dr. L could give us a copy when we have our follow-up. We just might blow it up to life size and use it for a Hallowe'en decoration!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
New beginnings
We've had a couple of appointments with the gender therapist. She is a lovely lady and quite humorous. Dandelion was NOT happy about the prospect of having to TALK (funny enough, as I write this, he has been chatting away AT me, non-stop, for the past hour!), but quickly warmed up to Dr. S after she told him that she sees both in her clients..."I have some clients who don't stop talking about being transgender, and I have others who I have to use a fishing rod to pull out the smallest bit of information about them and how they feel...". He got a kick of the idea of Dr. S having to toss a line and reel in information.
At this point, Dr. S is not telling me anything that I don't already know - Dandelion sees himself, unequivocally, as male. Apparently, he is emotionally well developed and his interests and maturity are in line with other boys his age. I'm so glad that I am paying $100+ per visit to be told what I already know! (I do say this in jest. I don't begrudge the therapy costs as I know that it is necessary and a stepping stone to the choices we have made to minimize the trauma that puberty could cause to Dandelion.)
Dr. S has let us know that she will be referring Dandelion to her colleague who is an endocrinologist at our local children's hospital. This will be our next big step on this journey, but it most likely won't be happening until next spring or summer.
Now that we are in the active part of our journey, I promise that I will write regularly.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Owning the "P" word, or mastering wabi sabi
Today, I was recommended this post
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html?ref=nf
and I couldn't help but think that it is completely appropriate for transgender issues - even if the writer doesn't direct it there.
Is Perfection the new dirty word?
This summer has had me learning a lot about the transgender community. Depression and suicide in transgender youth and adults is too high. Life is tough, but life can seem so much more difficult if you don't fit into society's idea of Perfection.
I've been reminding Dandelion that he is PERFECT just the way he is and that he is to always remember that. He was perfect the day he was born, he is perfect today and he will be perfect years from now. I have been stressing to him that everybody varies in some way and that transgendered people may vary a little more than others.
I have made it clear that not everyone sees the world as boy or girl, penis or vagina - that over the years he will meet many out there who will see only the person on the inside, who don't worry about what is under the shirt or in the pants. Those people will think that he is perfect just the way he is, too. He should never think of himself as less than perfect, and he should never settle for someone who feels that way about him.
I know it's hard to be different, feel different. I know that there is often a honeymoon period of happiness and contentment when a transgendered individual starts living the life they feel they should have been born into. When they come out to friends and family and the fear and stress of wondering if they will continue to be loved and accepted is behind them, the world seems like their oyster.
Then life slowly adjusts back to the normal ups and downs, the excitement of the "rebirth" fades and then old worries, fears, concerns become overwhelming.
We all want to be perfect, but it is hard to feel perfect when your physical gender is inconsistent with your emotional and psychological gender. We start to beat ourselves up about what may be in our minds as lacking (or additional) and close ourselves off from healthy supportive relationships so we don't risk the hurt of rejection. We forget that where we feel we fail is only our opinion, not necessarily the opinion of others. I really believe that if we can get over it, then others will accept it, too.
So maybe, just maybe we should be looking at Perfection in the Japanese manner of wabi sabi - the achievement of perfection through the acceptance of imperfection. This is what we should teach our children. Can you imagine a world where all the children grew into adults who valued the differences in others instead of fearing and hating what is perceived not to be normal?
So, to my point, we have to dump the desire to achieve someone elses idea of Perfection and own Perfection for ourselves. Make Perfection your bitch!
Here's a fun little challenge to end this post - I'm thinking specifically of a beautiful youth I met this summer and wish I had done this for - for all the happy, bubbly exterior I could see there was an inner sadness and I didn't overcome my own fear of being judged that I didn't give hir a hug and tell hir that I saw all the beauty and wonder inside and how just thinking of hir makes me smile. I'm going to follow through the next time we meet up!
If you see someone out there - in your life, on the outskirts of your life, someone who is not part of your life but is obviously struggling - I challenge you to let them know that you think they are Perfect - their flaws, their quirks, just being who they are makes them Perfect. Remind them that there is nothing in this world that they cannot overcome and come out on top of. Give them a hug!
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html?ref=nf
and I couldn't help but think that it is completely appropriate for transgender issues - even if the writer doesn't direct it there.
Is Perfection the new dirty word?
This summer has had me learning a lot about the transgender community. Depression and suicide in transgender youth and adults is too high. Life is tough, but life can seem so much more difficult if you don't fit into society's idea of Perfection.
I've been reminding Dandelion that he is PERFECT just the way he is and that he is to always remember that. He was perfect the day he was born, he is perfect today and he will be perfect years from now. I have been stressing to him that everybody varies in some way and that transgendered people may vary a little more than others.
I have made it clear that not everyone sees the world as boy or girl, penis or vagina - that over the years he will meet many out there who will see only the person on the inside, who don't worry about what is under the shirt or in the pants. Those people will think that he is perfect just the way he is, too. He should never think of himself as less than perfect, and he should never settle for someone who feels that way about him.
I know it's hard to be different, feel different. I know that there is often a honeymoon period of happiness and contentment when a transgendered individual starts living the life they feel they should have been born into. When they come out to friends and family and the fear and stress of wondering if they will continue to be loved and accepted is behind them, the world seems like their oyster.
Then life slowly adjusts back to the normal ups and downs, the excitement of the "rebirth" fades and then old worries, fears, concerns become overwhelming.
We all want to be perfect, but it is hard to feel perfect when your physical gender is inconsistent with your emotional and psychological gender. We start to beat ourselves up about what may be in our minds as lacking (or additional) and close ourselves off from healthy supportive relationships so we don't risk the hurt of rejection. We forget that where we feel we fail is only our opinion, not necessarily the opinion of others. I really believe that if we can get over it, then others will accept it, too.
So maybe, just maybe we should be looking at Perfection in the Japanese manner of wabi sabi - the achievement of perfection through the acceptance of imperfection. This is what we should teach our children. Can you imagine a world where all the children grew into adults who valued the differences in others instead of fearing and hating what is perceived not to be normal?
So, to my point, we have to dump the desire to achieve someone elses idea of Perfection and own Perfection for ourselves. Make Perfection your bitch!
Here's a fun little challenge to end this post - I'm thinking specifically of a beautiful youth I met this summer and wish I had done this for - for all the happy, bubbly exterior I could see there was an inner sadness and I didn't overcome my own fear of being judged that I didn't give hir a hug and tell hir that I saw all the beauty and wonder inside and how just thinking of hir makes me smile. I'm going to follow through the next time we meet up!
If you see someone out there - in your life, on the outskirts of your life, someone who is not part of your life but is obviously struggling - I challenge you to let them know that you think they are Perfect - their flaws, their quirks, just being who they are makes them Perfect. Remind them that there is nothing in this world that they cannot overcome and come out on top of. Give them a hug!
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